Who Me?

“Who me? Betray like Peter? Never!!!”

Here’s the story…………..

Recently we hosted beloved family from NYC whom we hadn’t seen in over 3 years. They are from a branch of the family that includes few believers—I knew that at least one of our visitors was firmly in the non-believers camp and ridicules even the concept of sin.

The night before they left, and after they had gone downstairs, I sat down to play the piano. I played what I almost always play;  “Nothing but the Blood of Jesus” and “Jesus Loves Me” with some extemporizing around both of the songs.

The next morning at breakfast, Victor said, “What were you playing last night, Annie? It was really beautiful.”

Here came the partial truth, “Oh, I was just extemporizing. Whatever came into my head.”

I could hardly believe what I had done! I had denied Jesus! Just like Peter. And, just like Peter, I was grief-stricken. In the presence of those who don’t believe, I was embarrassed to tell the whole truth and deliberately didn’t mention the reason for all my hope and joy; the blood of Jesus.

There were many tears, much repentance and receiving of forgiveness.

Why am I telling this story?

To give encouragement by saying that if, for any reason, you’ve ever deliberately denied Him, you’re not alone. Thankfully, as Scripture says, He will still fulfil His purpose in us. “I shall call to God Most High, to the God who will fulfil His purpose for me.” Psalm 57:2. Remember Peter’s life after he encountered the resurrected Jesus.

To testify that He’s more eager to forgive and restore than can be imagined. He died to set us free from condemnation.

To confess that the experience revealed a part of my heart that I hadn’t yet known. The part that didn’t love Jesus as much as I thought I did. To confess that there’s place in me that needs deeper understanding of what He did for me on the cross.

I’m determined to pursue that understanding.

Back to the story…..

I knew that I needed to make things right with the guys, so I told them the whole truth. They were very gracious.

“My heart is steadfast, God, my heart is steadfast. I shall sing and raise a psalm. Awake, my soul, awake, harp and lyre; I shall awake at dawn. I shall praise You among the peoples, Lord, among the nations I shall raise a psalm to You, for Your unfailing love is as high as the heavens; Your faithfulness reaches to the skies. God, be exalted above the heavens; let Your glory be over all the earth.”   Psalm 57:2, 7-11

Sharing in His Suffering

A few minutes ago, while dusting furniture in the living room, an inchoate feeling of sadness tapped on my heart for attention. I chose to briefly acknowledge, then push it away, but it persistently returned.

Decision time; ignore and push it down to oblivion (until it surfaces again. Because it surely will), or, go to my meeting place with the Trinity.

After sitting in quiet isolation (irony noted in retrospect), I allowed myself to fully experience the sorrow. The temptation to let myself be enveloped in self-pity was strong. Instead, I chose to ask, “why the feeling?” then, to listen.

The answer came quickly; I missed the presence of my whole family together in this place at this time.

The pandemic has brought with it an unprecedented time of separation. In “normal” times we would be preparing for arrival of the Blaine contingent with its accompanying hugs, lots of laughter, time in the kitchen with much resultant deliciousness, board (or, boring) games, possibly a movie, in the midst of navigating the emotional complexity of 3 generations of 8 very different people who still gratefully love and have fun with each other. The loss is real.

As I sat deep in meditation the thought came that, because of forced isolation, I was entering the space of suffering in a new way; sharing more fully in the pain of Jesus’ heart to see so many of His beloved ones isolated from family: in homes, in strangers’ homes, in nursing homes, on the streets without homes, in hospitals, in prisons, in unfamiliar cultures with unfamiliar food and language, held hostage by traffickers/abusers, racism, poverty, physical/psychological illnesses, unforgiveness, hate, bitterness. And, death, the ultimate isolation.

So very many ways to be isolated. In truth, as many ways as there are humans.

This time of year is meant to celebrate that He was made flesh to live among us. In order to be able to understand from the very beginning what isolation and human suffering feel like.

From the beginning…………

Mary didn’t always understand how to comfort her baby.

Or, her little boy.

Or, her teen-age son.

Or, her adult son.

He CHOSE separation and isolation from His heavenly Home, His rightful place of honor, His Father, His companions, in order to be able to understand. He entered into this realm of suffering to experience our suffering throughout His life and in His death so that we could believe that our constant Companion knows how to comfort us.

By choosing His way of surrender in my brief moment of sorrow, I allowed Him to open a door into deeper appreciation of how suffering can be redeemed. Even if only through prayer.

“All praises belong to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. For He is the Father of tender mercy and the God of endless comfort. He always comes alongside us to comfort us in every suffering so that we can come alongside those who are in any painful trial. We can bring them this same comfort that God has poured out upon us. And just as we experience the abundance of Christ’s own sufferings, even more of God’s comfort will cascade upon us through our union with Christ. If troubles weigh us down, that just means that we will receive even more comfort to pass on to you for your deliverance! For the comfort pouring into us empowers us to bring comfort to you. And with this comfort upholding you, you can endure victoriously the same suffering that we experience. Now our hope for you is unshakable, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings you will also share in God’s comforting strength.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 TPT

This assurance gives access to greater joy and peace as I walk through any circumstance that saddens and tries me.

“Beloved friends, if life gets extremely difficult, with many tests, don’t be bewildered as though something strange were overwhelming you. Instead, continue to rejoice, for you, in a measure, have shared in the sufferings of the Anointed One so that you can share in the revelation of His glory and celebrate with even greater gladness.” 1 Peter 1:12, 13. TPT

For His Love’s sake–ours and another’s– He redeems every surrendered moment of our own suffering to more fully establish His Kingdom of Shalom here on this earth.

Blessings of His incarnational Love to you and the wider world, especially here, especially now.

YOU MUST BE BORN AGAIN

Day before yesterday a beautiful, creative 15 yr. old girl went missing in our community.  She walked out of class and never came back.  When she didn’t show up at home that night, a massive search began because there was reason to believe she might harm herself.  A Facebook group was started to widen the search.  Police, family and friends were actively searching through the night and yesterday evening she was found.  Tragically, not alive.  I found it hard to go to sleep last night imagining what her family was going through.  So many lives will never be the same.

As a young woman I was familiar with her kind of desperation.  There were times when living was just too painful.  Times when self-destructive behavior was only one step away from death.

All that was before I knew that being “born again” was a thing.  A real thing.  A thing that opened the possibility of being re-parented by a Father whose goodwill is undeniable because of what Jesus did on the cross.

What if she had been told, and believed, that there was second birth into a living hope.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! By His great mercy, He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.”   1 Peter 1:3

This was the kind of hope—living hope— Jesus was talking about when He said that we need to be born again in order to even SEE the Kingdom of God.

What if that lovely one had known that she had a perfect, trustworthy Father available to pour out her heart and thoughts to, cry to, ask advice of. A Father who didn’t judge or condemn or ridicule or shame or criticize or diminish, but who understood and had great compassion.  Someone she could count on in every situation to give good advice and to treasure her just because she existed.

What a difference it’s made in my life to be parented by Someone who has known and treasured me since before the beginning of time.  Someone who saw me being put together in my mother’s womb and is aware of every gift and need my body, soul and spirit bring into the world.  Someone who is aware of what to reveal, and when, for me to be all that He knows me to be.

In the meantime, He knows me to be someone who is passionate to see His Kingdom come.  To offer a reason for hope to stir in hearts like that lovely one. To give lifeless eyes a reason to light up.  To give the Good News that we can be born again into a living hope.

To see His Kingdom come.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just in Case………

A little addendum to the last Post.

There has been some feedback that God was represented as harsh and shaming in my last post.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  For me there’s never any condemnation or shame connected with His voice.  He knows how I’m made.  He knows that I am dust. Psalm 103:14.   And, He is ever so patient with my human frailty.  2 Peter 3:8,9    🙂

If I offended anyone when I mentioned “pedicure” being associated with vanity for me, please forgive and be assured that I don’t judge anyone who has pedicures, manicures, facials, facelifts, body sculpting, hair-coloring or any other beautification.  God’s working with me on all my little (and not-so-little) hang-ups.

Blessings for a wonderful weekend.

Legalism and Pride: unholy alliance

The scenario is the wedding shower for the daughter of a good friend.  There’s my friend talking with someone who looks familiar.   I’m introduced.  We think we know each other from somewhere and my friend suggests maybe it’s from the place the other woman works.  She says that I’ve had a pedicure there 2 or 3 times.

I say, “Well, actually it was only once.”

So Holy Spirit says to me, “Why did you say that?”

Well, says I, it’s important to have the facts straight.

“Oh, really”, He says.  “And why is that?”

Well, truth is important.

“Yes, truth is important.  However, factual accuracy is not always the highest Truth”, He says.   “Loving relationships trump factual accuracy any day.”

“In addition, the need to correct another for the sake of accuracy is most often rooted in pride; you’re paying attention.  You know what’s really going on.  You’ve got it right.”

“And the sin of pride is often justified by legalism (hear “factual accuracy) which interferes with meaningful relationships .”

Did He really say all that?

“Yes, I did.”

“AND, last, but certainly not least, you are setting yourself up against Me.  I AM the only One Who really knows what’s going on and what matters.  I’ll be sure to let you know if I need for you to set the record straight.  Don’t hold your breath.”

“While we’re at it, the real reason you felt the need to challenge the frequency of the pedicures was that you were feeling shame.  You didn’t want to appear to be vain.  Which you are.”

Yikes!  Did He really say That?

“Yes, I did.”

“By the way,  Pride is often a covering for Shame and frequently shows up as the need to be ‘right’.  We’ll keep working on that together.  And we can leave your problem with vanity for another blog.”

Wow, is that a relief!

“In the meantime, leave correction of other people to Me.”

Just now I’m feeling exposed and grateful all at the same time.  How DOES He do that?

Thank you, God.

“My pleasure, Annie.”

How amazingly wonderful (painful, too) to be in this process on the way to freedom.  I’ll try to keep my corrections confined to myself.

The Roar of the Lion

“Be on the alert! Wake up! Your enemy the devil, like a roaring lion, prowls around looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8

It had been a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for this neighbor in God’s kingdom; many opportunities to encourage, help, rejoice, focus on being thankful and sing His praises.  Good time to be on the alert.

Tra, la, la. Cleaning up the kitchen after preparing and eating dinner. There he sits engaging with his computer, still sitting at the head of the table with his back toward me. Hmmmm. Feelings of longing for connection beginning to stir. Growing stronger.

I can’t see it, but my feet are moving ever closer to the lion.

Now, (she says to herself) doesn’t being in relationship mean that you can talk about mutual desires in a grown-up way? Let’s see.

Then she (that would still be me) says out loud:

“I feel disconnected and unseen (literally) when you sit with your back toward me. Would you be willing to move around to the side so we can see each other?”

Can you believe this? I can’t even remember what words were spoken after that; just that it didn’t go well. There’s a dynamic that gets triggered when words are perceived as criticism and it was all downhill from there.

Resentment building. Internal criticism really cranking up now.  (She says to herself) “Isn’t it normal to be able to discuss something and have forward movement in a relationship? Isn’t the idea to increase intimacy by taking risks and saying how I feel?”  

I’m now feeling the lion’s hot breath.

“No temptation has taken you except what is common to man. God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13

Time to run for the utility room to pour it out to the Father and Jesus. There it is. The way of escape.

And I hear this little voice saying, “Declare that I Am enough for you. Declare that I have everything you need.” So I set my jaw, clench my fists and “declare”, and then praise Him for just about everything I can think of, and declare some more, and praise Him for His faithfulness and praise Him for my husband and marriage and declare His goodness and mercy and the storm is finally over.  Jesus wins and I’m reminded that He IS enough whatever the need or desire.

And, He reminds me again of the Scripture that says, “Let no offensive talk pass your lips, only what is good and helpful to the occasion, so that it brings a blessing to those who hear it.” Ephesians 4:29        

I suppose that means exactly what it says; to speak only what will raise people higher.

And then, “Be generous to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.”  Ephesians 4:32

Wow! You’d think I’d have learned this by now.

I guess the roar of the lion sometimes sounds like the whisper of the snake.

LOVE

“Love is never selfish,

never quick to take offense.

does not insist on its own way,

keeps no score of wrongs.”          1 Corinthians 13 abbreviated

The peace and refuge of the hotel room beckoned.  It was the end of a long day after a late dinner and the sky was already dark.  It was going to be the first night with just the two of us after a week of being with others.  He said, “I’d like to go for a walk down to the harbour.”  There was an unspoken expectation that I would go along.

It was night.  It was dark.  I was tired.  I wanted to go straight to the hotel room, relax and get ready for bed.

Private conversation: “Father in heaven, is it okay for me to say that I don’t want to go?”

So, what’s He going to say?  “No.  I know I’ve given you free will, but in this case I’m going to insist that you do it my way.”?  I don’t think so.  His ways are so much higher than ours.  Even in this.

I insist on my own way.

“I’m too tired to go.  I’m going to go up to the room and get ready for bed.  Is that okay.”  (I know it’s not okay, so why do I ask?)

I get ready for bed, then read BBC news on the computer, then take care of some email and online bank business.  Then I listen for his footsteps and they aren’t there.  A little while later and the footsteps still aren’t there.  I pray.  “God, please help me trust that You are with him and he’s alright.”

Anxiety begins to nag.  Guilt at choosing my way over His has opened the door for the accuser; “you should have gone. You could have prayed if there was trouble.  You could have been protection.  It’s your fault if something has happened.”   Anxiety escalates and my theology is way off.  I’ve temporarily forgotten that God alone is Protector.

The hotel room door opens.

The offensive:  “You were gone a lot longer than I thought you were going to be.  I was getting concerned.”

The defensive/offensive:  “I thought you said you couldn’t come with me because you were going right to bed.  Was that right, or did I misunderstand?”   We know he didn’t misunderstand.  Uh, oh.  The battle intensifies.

The defensive: Enumerating reasons why I wasn’t in bed asleep.  Resenting the need to justify myself.  Holding onto resentment.  Aware that my heart was growing hard, not caring, feeling disconnected from God and man.

Night passes.  Morning comes.  My heart is still hard, desiring distance not re-connection.  Wanting to escape.  Accusations/blame accumulating.  The battle continues.

The Spirit is calling me.  “By grace you are saved.” 

“Love keeps no record of wrongs.” 

“You are forgiven.” 

“Forgive as you have been forgiven.” 

The battle continues, but my heart is beginning to soften.

“Jesus died to set you free from the law of sin and death.”

I’m still in the battle, but He is fighting for me.  He wins.  I choose Him.

The oppression begins to lift and I’m able to see.  This particular cycle of sin and death began with my decision to follow my own way instead of His Way; the Way of Love.  Love that lays down one’s life.  Love that sacrifices personal desire to make way for blessing another.

It would take the entire day and into the evening for connection to be fully restored.  For me, confessing guilt and asking forgiveness.  For him, forgiveness and grace.

“Thank You, Father, for forgiveness.  For restoration.  For restitution.  You are the One True and Living God for Whom nothing is impossible.  Even replacing a heart of stone with a heart of flesh.  I rejoice in Your goodness, grace and mercy.  Thank You that You are leading me in paths of righteousness for Your Name’s sake and that You are perfecting me in Love.  You have cast down the accuser and I declare that I am partnering more with You and less with him.  You are everything to me and I am Yours.  In You I am a new creation.”

With joy I’ll carry on. 

Forgiveness

So many acts of violence, so many violations. Since the beginning of human history. Betrayal, revenge, betrayal, revenge, lust, violence, revenge, powerlessness, rage, screaming, wailing, hopelessness, resignation, mobilization, violence, revenge.

The recent senseless murders in Israel of 4 teen-agers, 3 Jewish and 1 Palestinian, have devastatingly highlighted for me the hopelessness of striving for peace apart from truly knowing Jesus. He alone can instill the desire, willingness and grace to forgive what seems unforgivable.

God is calling us, His children, to forgive as we have been forgiven. “Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they’re doing”. Do we believe that? Only if we do is there any hope for humanity to survive. Only in that practice is there any hope for lasting peace.

Do you really believe that?

What injustice or cruelty against you or someone you love seems too hurtful to be forgiven? Toward whom are you bitter? Who do you ignore because they’ve done you wrong?

Here’s my challenge to those who seriously want to see the Will of God done on earth as it is in heaven.

Sit in a quiet place with your Father and ask Him to show you who and what you haven’t yet forgiven. He will show you. You will have a garden of Gethsemane experience, “Father, if it’s possible, let this cup pass from me”, as you struggle with the seeming injustice of giving up what’s “fair”. But, because you love Jesus you can say, “Nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will”.   It’s the only way to peace.

According to our desire to please Him, God will even give willingness to obey the command along with the desire and strength to forgive.

The world continues to groan while waiting for us, the Sons and Daughters of God, to be revealed. Be revealed. It’s time. Just do it.

 

 

It’s a Special Day today

My mom, Catherine Alice Farrell Ritchie, the most wonderful mother in the whole wide world, was born 90 years ago today.  I want to honor her memory by sharing some of how I saw her.

Of course, the reality of relationship between most mothers and daughters is complex– ours was no exception–but that’s not the subject of this post.

She was diminutive with hazel-colored eyes and brown hair.  After she stopped coloring her hair in later years, it was grey before turning white.

She was often soft-spoken and contemplative except when playing charades or board games or otherwise acting silly with with family or close friends.  Those were times when her playful nature came out of hiding. Her sense of humor was wry, witty and hilarious.  Her laugh contagious.   At most times there was a smile just underneath the surface waiting to light up her face and eyes;

She was compassionate

curious

lover of Jesus, family, friends, beauty, people in general, nature, chocolate, whipped cream, farmer’s markets

quietly intelligent

an attentive listener

self-sacrificing to a fault

loyal

industrious

diligent

discreet

encouraging

iron-willed

and beautiful.

She was creative in all ways domestic;

an accomplished seamstress who made hats, suits, coats and all of the clothes for my sister and me.  Even some shirts for my father

food preservationist

gardener

hanger of freshly-washed clothes……on herself, hangers and the clothesline

baker of bread, pies, cookies and cakes, casseroles and pecan roasts

organizer and decorator of my many childhood homes

muse of my father

piano player

and singer of songs.

She was a consummate story-teller

and writer of hymns,

poems,

letters to friends, family and lonely others whom she barely knew.

Having said all that, I am aware that she was human with failings and frailties, but those were far-outweighed by her grace and goodness.

Mom had a vibrant, trusting, love relationship with the Living God

The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.    And Jesus 

Awareness of His love and Presence enabled her to remain strong and courageous during struggle, heartache, anxiety, loneliness (being a pastor’s wife can be very lonely) and uncertainty—-of which she had plenty.  God’s love made it possible for her to be present for troubled, grieving or lonely souls; few would have guessed that she sometimes felt the same.

By all accounts of family and friends, my mother was closest to being a saint of anyone we’ve ever known and every day I thank God that I was born to such a warm and gifted human being.  I am keenly aware of my privilege.   Kay Ritchie’s life added rich color to the tapestry of the heavenly Father’s world and through her life, many people were brought into to the kingdom of heaven.  I miss her and can hardly wait to see her again.

Maranatha

I am blessed

The Giant Squid, or, Just Bless Instead

The other morning Jesus showed me a giant squid squrting out a cloud of ink.  He said that when I rehearse grievances against myself or others I am injecting a cloud of poison into my body, soul and spirit which literally makes me sick and obscures awareness of His blessings.  Not good.

What I’m to “do” (an action word that requires intention and determination) instead is to “Love my enemies, do good to them that hate me and pray for them that despitefully use me”, bearing in mind that the “enemies” may look like my own family or friends.  It helps to know that my real enemies are not flesh and blood.  However, because the real enemies use people to do damage, it’s people we need to forgive and bless.

This is one of the lessons from these fiery furnace months.

Luke 6:27-36

English Standard Version (ESV)

Love Your Enemies

²⁷ “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸ bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. ²⁹ To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic^[a] either. ³⁰ Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. ³¹ And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

³² “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. ³³ And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. ³⁴ And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. ³⁵ But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. ³⁶ Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.”

In the act of blessing, I will be blessed.

Be Blessed